“My Mother-in-Law Keeps Calling Us to Help Every Weekend: At 35, I Deserve to Live My Own Life”

For the past decade, I’ve been married to John, and throughout these years, I’ve made every effort to build a good relationship with his mother, Linda. When we lived in a small town, it was easier to manage our visits and help her out occasionally. However, ever since we moved to the city for better job opportunities, things have taken a turn for the worse.

Linda has always been somewhat dependent on us, but now it feels like she can’t go a single weekend without calling us for help. Every Friday evening, without fail, the phone rings, and it’s Linda asking if we can come over to help her with various chores. She lives alone in her old house, and while I understand that she might need some assistance, the frequency of her requests has become overwhelming.

Refusing to help feels wrong. John and I were raised with strong family values, and saying no to a family member in need goes against everything we’ve been taught. So, every weekend, we pack our bags and drive two hours back to our hometown. We spend our weekends cleaning her house, cooking meals for the week, doing laundry, and taking care of her garden. It’s exhausting, and it leaves us with no time for ourselves.

The problem is that besides my full-time job and taking care of our own home, I have other responsibilities too. I have hobbies I want to pursue, friends I want to see, and sometimes I just want to relax and do nothing. But Linda’s constant demands leave me with no time for any of that.

One weekend, after a particularly grueling week at work, I decided I couldn’t take it anymore. I told John that we needed to set some boundaries with his mother. He agreed but was hesitant about how to approach the conversation. We both knew that Linda would take it badly; she has a way of making us feel guilty for not being there for her.

When we arrived at her house that weekend, I mustered up the courage to talk to her. I explained that while we love her and want to help, we also need time for ourselves. I suggested that she hire someone to help with the chores or perhaps ask some of her friends or neighbors for assistance occasionally.

Linda did not take it well. She accused us of abandoning her and not caring about her well-being. She cried and made us feel like the worst people in the world. John tried to calm her down, but it was clear that she was deeply hurt by our suggestion.

The following weeks were tense. Linda stopped calling us altogether, which initially felt like a relief but soon turned into worry. We tried reaching out to her, but she wouldn’t answer our calls or texts. We even drove down one weekend unannounced to check on her, but she refused to let us in.

Our relationship with Linda has never been the same since that conversation. The guilt eats away at me every day. I wonder if we did the right thing or if we should have just continued helping her every weekend despite the toll it took on us.

At 35, I believe I have the right to live my own life and make my own choices. But the cost of asserting that right has been higher than I ever imagined. Our weekends are now free, but they are filled with a sense of loss and regret.